


once is an accident, twice a coincidence

by tyrellis



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 04:32:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11305752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyrellis/pseuds/tyrellis
Summary: A look at Vetra's thought process as Ryder dies in order to continue the mission in the search of the map for Meridian.





	once is an accident, twice a coincidence

**Author's Note:**

> short and sweet! my first fic for this sort of oc-protag/canon game character thing so. i just replayed the hunt for the archon mission with my mryder and wanted to write something about vetra and my fryder in this moment (my fryder is my canon lol). i dont use the name 'sara' just bc i already came up w a name for my ryder months ago and im too stubborn to drop it, but it feels somewhat inappropriate in this sort of fic, so i just used 'ryder' and you can all fill in the blank. i did make mentions as to my fryder's appearance and personality etc but that is sort of unavoidable haha.
> 
> hope u enjoy! im a little worried abt vetra's characterisation, but any feedback is always much appreciated!

The first time Ryder dies, it doesn't much bother Vetra.

Mostly because she wasn't there. Mostly because it happened not long after the chaos of the Nexus, and she was still wrapped up in the aftermath - looking after Sid, making contacts, trying to find some very specific idiotic item someone had brought with them only to find that it, for _some_  reason, had been snatched up by the exiles as they were, well...exiled.

She hears it secondhand, once Arc Hyperion is firmly fixated to the Nexus and the humans start dripping through customs at the docks like a flood just barely held by a couple of exhausted doors. The news is announced via terminals and various authorities within the day, but Vetra hears first it from Sid, whose job monitoring comms means she caught some news about Alec Ryder:

" _Dead_?" Vetra repeats, and shakes her head. "The first arc shows up, and their Pathfinder is already _dead_?"

"Shh!" Sid hisses across the private comm. "It's super secret, no one knows yet! I mean, a ton of people know. But we're not supposed to know!"

"Sid, you _know_  I have to tell people. Alec Ryder was pretty important. Some of the humans were really banking on him. Exiles included."

Sid is quiet a moment: "Okay, then. But you didn't hear it from me."

"Of course. Take care-"

"Wait! Don't you want to know about the Pathfinder's successor?"

Vetra shuts the door she had just opened, and leans back against the wall. She has barred herself into what is essentially a storage closet for this private chat, in a very suspicious move which will no doubt get any eyes on her talking. Whatever.

"Sure - some biotic, right?" Cora Harper, actually, but Vetra doesn't want to admit to her sister how much she's memorised the various plans and emergency plans from all the arcs.

" _Wrong_ ," Sid replies, both delighted and distraught at once. "It's his daughter. He- they're saying it _should've_  been the biotic, but for some reason SAM was locked onto his daughter. It's causing real waves. You might want to- warn people. That it's- not what they expected."

And maybe Vetra did have to stuff herself into a storage closet for this call. Maybe she had to call in a bunch of favours to get Sid this position, where she's safe from harm but also catches important info for Vetra. And maybe Sid sometimes seems a little too excited about these horrible things for Vetra's comfort, but-

Information like this is worth it. Alec Ryder being dead is one thing - his daughter being named the Pathfinder instead of the original second-in-command? That won't cause a wave. That's a _tsunami_.

Vetra doesn't know how to put this accurately into words: "Thanks, Sid. Stay safe."

"Yeah," Sid says, as if she knows what Vetra is thinking and is disappointed at this missed opportunity for Vetra to better vocalise her gratitude: "You too."

\--

Ryder _is_  a tsunami. More than that. More than words can explain. She's gorgeous, dark-skinned with a bright smile, this ridiculous white lipstick she applies every morning without fail that crumbles into pixels along the left side of her mouth... Lipstick that catches Vetra's eye, lips that make them stick, stare. She has a pretty tattoo on her forehead that she'll tap her nose at and won't explain, and a bloody red scar slashed down her right eye that she'll avert her eyes from and won't explain. She's biotic, but only since she got SAM. She likes tech. She's funny and courageous and strong and gifted...

The second time she dies, it _matters_.

It happens right before Vetra's eyes, and she is _powerless_  to do anything. She thought being near-weaponless whilst a gun was at Sid's head was bad enough, but... But Ryder faked them out, Vetra threw the grenade away, it _worked out_. And this is supposed to work out, but there's a minute - maybe longer, Vetra can't think, she can't _focus_  - where Ryder is dead on the fucking floor and Vetra can't do anything. She cannot do _anything_. Their mother ignored them, she couldn't do anything. Their father left, still nothing. Her sister interferes in her work and almost dies, but Ryder says she did the right thing and against their smiles Vetra couldn't retaliate.

SAM says he can bring Ryder back to life.

But Ryder is dead.

She's dead.

If Jaal weren't also here, staring in horror alongside her, Vetra thinks she might cry. Maybe she has been too scarred by her life to feel emotions normally like Ryder, or even wildly, exuberantly, like Jaal. She thinks she _should_  cry, and for a moment she can feel the ache of it in the back of her throat, the tremble in her shoulders, the slight flickering of her mandibles, the way her subvocals want to let out a harsh and steady cry - but then it is gone, and she stares, dry-eyed and horrified, sickened, powerless and all she can do is say, " _SAM._ "

It isn't enough. She isn't- isn't this representative of herself, of how she acts, thinks, feels about everything? Not ever quite enough. Not enough for her mother, not _nearly_  enough for her father, and she tried her best, worked her hardest, did everything she could _think_  of doing for Sid and she still isn't enough, not for her or anything. Certainly not for strong courageous Ryder who makes dumb jokes to dilute awkward situations and is so _open_  and vulnerable, builds a pedestal on her chest and frames her heart on it for everyone to see.

"Stimulating the cardiovascular core," SAM drones, and Vetra tries to breathe deeply. Ryder can't die. She can't. There's still so much to do - get this map, find Meridian, defeat the Archon... Vetra was thinking of even _confessing_  her _feelings_ , thought maybe they'd do some rock-climbing in Kadara because as much as Ryder complains about having to constantly fight outlaws, she loves the port, the climate, the views. Thought maybe Ryder would confess as well. Thought Ryder was flirting with _her_ , thought she'd overcome her trust issues enough to maybe believe that Ryder meant it when she said things like _everyone wants a spiky girlfriend_  with a smile that said _but specifically me_.

Ryder can't die. What will they do then? Will Cora become Pathfinder, or Ryder's still-comatose brother? How will they ever leave this ship? Will they be exalted or just experimented on? Will the salarians die, too? The whole arc... Senseless death. What will become of Ryder's things? Properly old, paper photographs in real pretty frames on her desk? All those model ships she's either stolen, 'found', or bought? Her pet? Her vintage 'NASA' mug that's chipped in four different places?

"Zero activity."

If Ryder dies at this bizarre and horrific moment, all things good and bright and lovely will die with her. Everything golden and hopeful that has bloomed, fragile as a flower, in Vetra's chest will be crushed, ripped to pieces, ripped from existence. How stupid, to be enamoured so quickly with someone, especially a girl like this, bright and brilliant and willing to literally _die_  just to save everyone else.

"Stimulating the cardiovascular core," SAM repeats. Another deep breath. SAM is an AI capable of doing things Vetra can't even imagine. It killed Ryder - now all it needs to do is bring her back. It can't be difficult for an AI of that level, surely. _Surely_.

She knows nothing of these things. Ask her about black market dealers, about decent outlaws versus the real scumbags, the gentle persuasion tactics and less gentle ones - she knows all the rules, and all the ways to break them. But this? Life? Tangible life? Vetra thinks she wouldn't know what to do with Ryder's life even if she had it, even if it was beside her own, their timelines syncing up to live and die and fight together. She is so clueless and helpless and _powerless_ , she cannot move, the ache in her throat so strong she cannot speak.

Then Ryder gasps. Sits up. Gasps some more, takes a few deep breaths.

"That's twice now I've come back from the dead," she says, standing up and taking a deep breath. "Can't say the experience is improving."

And for one sweet, unforgettable moment the relief is so strong, resonates so intensely throughout Vetra's entire body and soul and _whatever else_  there is in life - that nothing else matters.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, hope u enjoyed! u can find my main blog [here](http://www.tyrellis.tumblr.com) and my vidgame-specific blog [here](http://www.lancelovinglesbian.tumblr.com) if u want to ask anything! <3


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